you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hippo gnu deer
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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