just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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