How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
