weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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