i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
