Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
