Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
