I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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