Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
