dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
