I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
