Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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