she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
