In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
do herpes really smell.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
