I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
