I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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