dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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