if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
