I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
