Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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