I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
