So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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