Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
