hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
