This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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