Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
