Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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