That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
