if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
