the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
