And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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