No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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