I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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