Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So many bounce houses so little time
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
