There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
