Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
