Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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