hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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