so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
