I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
