I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
