My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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