D3 body, D1 cock
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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