My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
