yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
