just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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