Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
