i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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