she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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