I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
