Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
