Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
