Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
