He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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