so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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